When you have self-respect, you actually fully love yourself. You love yourself for who you are on the inside and not just because of what you do, what you look like, or what you’re capable of. When you have self-respect, you take pride in who you are and you know that you’re valuable.

On the flipside, without self-respect, it’s difficult to have honesty, confidence, and integrity. Instead, a person without self-respect may feel the emotions of anger, guilt, blame, shame, or regret, and they sport secretive behavior because deep down they feel unworthy. Beyond that, if you can’t respect yourself, how can you respect others and how can others respect you?

Putting Your Needs First

Too many people put the needs of others before their own. Although this is admirable, in order to respect and serve others, you need to meet your own physical and emotional needs first. Meeting your own needs first is an important part of respecting yourself.

Here’s the story of Joan, who realized too late the importance of respecting her own needs:

Joan had a friend that she did everything for. She would always put the needs of her friend before her own. Whenever her friend needed help with something, big or small, Joan would always be there even if she had to rearrange her own schedule.

It worked for a while, but then Joan began to feel that the constant help for her friend was becoming emotionally taxing. It was almost as if Joan became a servant to her friend. She wasn’t Joan; she was just her friend’s “friend.” Even her friend began to think of her that way.

Eventually Joan began to feel like her friend was taking advantage of her and these feelings escalated into resentment. Joan started to make excuses to avoid helping her friend. Now they are no longer friends.

What happened?

Joan was trying to achieve self-respect and thought she could only gain self-respect by putting her friend’s needs before her own. She was trying to prove she deserved respect instead of looking into herself and finding the great things about herself that already deserved respect.

Because she didn’t respect herself, her friend didn’t respect her either.

If Joan respected herself and her own needs, she might have communicated her feelings to her friend and put her own schedule first sometimes. Joan would have felt the confidence to do the things she needed to do for herself in addition to doing things for her friend.

There’s nothing wrong with stepping up for others, but you must have a solid sense of self-respect for yourself first.

Respecting the Mind, Body, and Spirit

You’re a unique human being with strengths and qualities of your own and you need to respect your entire mind, body, and spirit.

You need to respect yourself because you have an inner being that demands your patience, love and respect.

Respect your body because it is the home of your mind and spirit, then harness that spirit and love it because it is who you are.

Loving your body, mind, and spirit is the key to gaining self-respect.  It is then that you can extend yourself out to meet the needs of others.

Disappointment can build character and patience if you allow it to. Learning to deal with your disappointments constructively can make you a stronger person in the end.

Coping with Disappointment

The first thing you need to do in learning to deal with disappointment is recognize your old coping strategies. Everybody has them. Do you reach for the pint of ice cream or withdraw into a room all alone? Do you get drunk and try to forget?

Once you recognize that your old strategy isn’t working, it’s time to create a new one.

Here are 5 tips for effectively dealing with your disappointments:

1.      Acknowledge what you’re feeling. You can honestly express the emotions you’re feeling without blaming or punishing others. This is about how you feel about the situation, not others. Articulate your feelings without attacking others. Always be respectful, but don’t be afraid to let them know how you feel.

There isn’t a right or wrong way to feel. Your feelings are valid and if you don’t voice your opinion then you’ll harbour resentment and stress yourself out. Be honest with yourself about how you really feel about the situation.

2.      Put things in perspective. Even small disappointments can seem monumental at first. But once you’ve expressed your hurt, frustration, or anger, take a step back and look at the bigger picture. How much of an effect is this disappointment going to have on you tomorrow, next week, or next year?

Take a deep breath and go for a walk to put your disappointment into perspective. Taking time to reflect and step away from the situation will help calm your nerves so you’ll be better able to handle the disappointment.

3.      Refuse to doubt yourself. Sometimes disappointment can make you feel like a failure. You may wonder why these things happen to you or you may think you were stupid to get your hopes up in the first place. But none of that is the truth. Don’t allow yourself to give in to these negative thoughts!

Disappointment is not unique to you. Everyone has been disappointed at some time in their life. Instead of getting down on yourself, think about what could have been done differently and learn from the experience.

 4.      Look for a solution or compromise. You can’t have your way all the time but sometimes there may be a second option that’s agreeable to each party.

Take a few deep breaths, relax, and look for the “silver lining.” It’s possible to find something positive in almost every situation.

5.      Reevaluate and make changes if necessary. Sometimes when we experience disappointment, it may be a sign that we need to re-examine our priorities. Depending on the degree of disappointment you’re facing, you may need to make minor or major changes to your life.

Learn to be flexible. Refocusing your attention on your new goals will help you forget about your disappointment.

Don’t Give Up

Any person who has had even a small degree of success in life has faced disappointments.

Winners simply don’t quit. They learn from their failures and disappointments and go on to achieve their goals.

You can become your own biggest motivator! Don’t underestimate the power of encouraging yourself by saying, “I can do this. I can make it. I will get through this and become a better person!”

You don’t need to allow disappointment to lower your self-confidence. That’s not to say that you need to gloss over your feeling, but you can simply learn how to deal with your disappointments effectively, then move on to bigger and better things.

Self-care isn’t just about brushing your teeth or combing your hair. Self-care is for the needs within you. Self-care is caring for your soul, your inner self, and your very being.

 Building a Solid Self-Care Plan

A good self-care plan reminds you of what you want to accomplish. After all, you have values, goals, and a purpose in your life. This plan reminds you about what you need to do to take care of you. Using a day planner or making notes to yourself can remind you of your goals and the things you need to do to take care of your body, mind, and soul.

 Your self-care plan gives you a solid foundation for what you want to do and how you can accomplish it.

You should also provide yourself with inspirational quotes and affirmations. This is the spiritual food that keeps you focused on your own personal well being. Not only do you have the reminders of what to do, but you also have little pieces of inspiration around you to remind you of why you’re doing it!

In addition to inspirational quotes, you can hang motivating pictures throughout your home and office. These pictures may be of exotic places you’d like to visit someday, or tranquil images of nature.

Your pictures may be something that you want to attract into your life or may remind you of a positive memory from your past. You can also have a photo of your family to remind you of what’s important to you.

 Your self-care plan should inspire you and remind you of why you want to take care of your body, mind, and spirit.

 Another aspect of your self-care plan is tracking your progress. Let’s say you have a hard time getting motivated to exercise. By keeping a log of your exercise time, you can keep yourself focused on achieving a healthier you.

A food journal is also a good way to track your food choices so you can remind yourself that you need to eat nutritious foods. In addition, you can use a journal to record your mental and emotional health. Write down what’s going on inside of you so you can evaluate your feelings and proactively take care of your mental health.

 Your self-care plan tracks your progress to help you stay on track toward your goals.

You can use these aspects of planning toward anything in your life so you have that solid foundation you need to take care of yourself. Just make sure to take care of the inside as well as the outside.

Creating a Personalized Self-Care Plan

You may need to motivate yourself to initiate your self-care plan. For some, beginning any new task may be daunting. In addition, you’ll want to be sure you can find motivation along the way to help keep you on track.

Ask yourself about what has motivated you in the past. Use this as your motivation toward the things you need to do to take care of yourself.

A good motivator to keep you on track is to have a family member, friend, or spouse hold you accountable. If you slip up in your efforts to proactively take care of yourself, they will let you know so you can renew your focus and get back on course.

It’s important to have some sort of structure in place for successful self-care. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. A good self-care plan will provide you with the vigor, attitude, and energy to enjoy life to its fullest!

How can you stop this cycle, use your time more effectively, and get your tasks done sooner?

Here are 5 simple ways to get up and go and stop putting off things that must be done:

1.      Determine why you delay working on your task. Is it a specific task that you’re putting off, or do you procrastinate everything on your plate? What is it about this task that stops you from doing it?

• Are you scared of failing?

• Do you fear that you’ll fall short of what’s expected of you?

• Are you just lazy?

• Are you resentful of whoever put this obligation upon you?

By evaluating the task, you can better understand what’s holding you back so you can complete the task more efficiently.

2.      Make a plan. When you make a step-by-step plan, you are setting a specific schedule and timeline to complete the task.

 Write this plan down on paper. Writing this list will help you better organize your thoughts and determine the small steps you need to take to accomplish your goals. Give yourself attainable tasks on a daily, weekly or hourly timetable, as it applies to your situation.

 You are less likely to be overwhelmed when you’re faced with small, manageable steps.

3.      Be Realistic. Be realistic about what you can achieve in your plan. Doing so makes each step clearly attainable and you’ll be less likely to put it off. Knowing your limits will make your goals seem easier and less of a mountain to climb.

4.      Just Begin. It sounds simple enough, but few heed this simple tip. Most procrastinators find themselves prone to delaying the start of the task because it seems too overwhelming. Instead, they stress and worry during the final moments before it’s due.

No matter how large or insurmountable the task may seem, beginning with even a small action will build momentum. Simply beginning also tends to put the task into perspective and makes it seem more possible than ever.

5.      Take Breaks. Taking scheduled breaks while working on your task refreshes your body and mind.  If you go for a 10-minute walk or work on a Sudoku puzzle, you’ll feel re-energize and you’ll be in a better frame of mind to forge on.

Breaks, while refreshing, should be taken in moderation; you certainly don’t want to use breaks as an excuse to lapse back into procrastination.

Procrastinating is an habit that many of us fall into. Luckily, this habit can be overcome and if you are prone to procrastination you can become more proactive and productive. Follow these 5 tips, practice them frequently, and with some time and patience you’ll find yourself getting more done, more often.

Anxiety is often the result of fears that you may have about uncertain situations, places, and even people in your life.

Most of the time, these fears are based on things that haven’t happened yet. Maybe you worry if you’ll do well in a job interview or whether a new colleague will like you. Those who haven’t experienced anxiety may think it’s foolish to worry about something that hasn’t happened yet. But as you know, these feelings are very real.

If you’ve had it with the stress and anxiety in your life, you can achieve peace, eliminate anxious thoughts and fears, and successfully overcome anxiety.

Here are some tips:

1.      Trust that you’ve got the faith, courage, strength, skill, and support to overcome anything. This is especially true and important when it comes to overcoming anxiety that’s based on unrealistic fears and worries that plague your mind.

A support group of family members or friends can be vital in eliminating anxiety. Talk out your fears with someone who will listen kindly without judging you.

2.      Be true to who you are as a person. Don’t condemn yourself for how you feel. It’s important to understand that you can’t change how you feel, but you can change how you deal with these emotions.

Finding a way to release your emotions is an important element to overcoming anxiety. You can write down your fears and worries in a journal, or even find a support group you can actively participate in.

3.      Remember that there are some things in life that are beyond your control. Many times, the worries you experience are a direct result of the fact that you’re not in control of the people, things, and situations in your life.

The things that are in your control can be managed. Just slow down, take one thing at a time, and focus. This will help to ease some of the discomfort you experience from your anxiety.

4.      Rely on your faith. Attend a church service or other type of religious place of worship. Join a faith-based support group that focuses on anxiety, achieving peace in life, or similar items of interest. This can alleviate a lot of your anxiety.

Many experts praise highly the power of prayer and meditation. Understanding that you can’t control everything and releasing your worries to a higher power can be calming and give you a sense of freedom and relief.

5.      Pursue activities that bring you peace. Whether this is a solitary activity or a group activity, it should be something enjoyable that will remove your anxiety and renew your love of life.

Peace-bringing activities may include a hobby like painting, writing short stories, or doing different types of crafts. You may enroll in spiritual studies, read self-improvement books, or pray.

These are all effective ways to overcome and alleviate anxiety. While many people resort to medications and doctor treatments when they’re seeking ways to overcome anxiety, you can work toward relieving your own anxiety without medication by simply engaging yourself in activities that bring you peace, comfort, and relief.

To avoid these feelings, you can try a few different methods to get yourself back on track. Rather than bemoaning your wasted time, resolve to regain your focus and get back on task.

Confucius says…

If you chase two rabbits, you catch none.” True, there might be people who are able to multitask and do it relatively well; but more often than not, people who split their attention between two different tasks have a more difficult time completing both tasks well.

Here are five ways to regain your focus and get back on task:

1.      Eliminate the distractions. Get rid of the barriers that are causing you to avoid getting things done – it’s that simple! Forget about checking email every five minutes; those emails will still be there when you complete your task. Make a list of distractions and eliminate!

• Turn off the phone and let voice mail take over.

• Close the blinds in your office.

• Turn off the music if you find yourself singing more than working.

• Simply closing the door to your office can give you more privacy and more focus.

2.      Prioritize your work. Rather than working on projects simultaneously, take one thing at a time, focus on it, and worry about all the other projects later. Ultimately, you’ll get a lot more done and you’ll finish it more quickly. You’ll also be recognized by the high quality that you deliver when you’re free from distractions.

Find a way to prioritize that works best for you. Choose either the project that has the earliest deadline or the one with the least components so you can finish it quickly and get it out of the way. There are pros and cons to both systems so tackle it whichever way works for you.

3.      Tell everyone to respect your time. There are many nice and respectful ways to tell people to back off. If you’re finding yourself in a time crunch and can’t seem to get away from others, consider letting them know that you need time to finish some important tasks. There are a lot of different ways to do it – just make sure you do!

• Set times that you’ll accept phone calls and even visitors. Tell them to contact you by email and then set a regular time to check your email.

• Set business hours during which people can expect you to return their calls or emails.

4.      Set some limitations with your internet access. The internet is wonderful but it can be a huge time waster, especially if you work at a computer all day long. Regain your focus with some self-imposed rules.

First, close all those windows you’re not using. Avoid MySpace or Facebook, quit searching on eBay, and leave messenger alone!

Establish certain times each day to use these fun things and just focus on what you have to do. You’ll quickly accomplish more!

5.      Have confidence in your abilities. This may seem like a really small thing when it comes to focusing and getting back on task, but believing that you can get everything done that you set out to do puts you in a positive frame of mind and you’ll be less distracted with stress and worry.

Have confidence that you can complete each task with ease and believe in your ability to deliver. If you’ll have the confidence, you’re sure to have the focus!

Now that you’ve been introduced to five ways to focus and get back on task, it’s up to you to take action and learn how to focus your thoughts. If you’ve got to get stuff done, follow these steps so you can put yourself – and your goals – first!